Posted by: stillironic | December 14, 2009

South of the Border University—3

Incompetent colleagues or bosses who manage to impress their superiors and rise through the system are particularly irritating. Especially if you become a pawn in their odious game.

First-Class Suck-Up, cont.

Roland Roscoe and Gregor had developed a short-lived friendship when Gregor first arrived at SOB. Roscoe was then marketing advisor to the dean of the College of Beyond Belief, Basil Yeast. Gregor soon figured out that Roscoe wasn’t courting him because of his riveting personality, as Roscoe had let on, but because of his relationship with Dean Yeast. Yeast liked to relax from his grinding job as President Izzard’s whipping boy—SOB’s ag school consistently ranked at the bottom of the heap of sister schools at small state-run universities—by hanging out with the groundskeepers and shooting the breeze.

Yeast had grown up on a pig farm. In fact, he didn’t realize he wasn’t porcine himself till he was three or four and his father moved him into the house from the barn. Little Basil’s mother had died giving birth to him and it took a long time before his father could bear to have him around the house.

At any rate, Roscoe wormed his way into Yeast’s confidence by inflating the dean’s ego. Yeast hadn’t lived in a barn, Gregor had. And Yeast was his father’s favorite child, not the most lamented. Eventually, Roscoe convinced Yeast that Gregor was an unhealthy influence on him—Gregor had been weaned by a sow, for God’s sake—and Yeast not only stopped visiting the grounds-keeping facility he began shunning Gregor.

Gregor’s girlfriend Lily told him Roscoe sounded like a Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, which actually made a lot of sense to Gregor. “When he’s being friendly he refers to himself as ‘Roland’ and when he’s being devious he calls himself ‘Roscoe.’ A lot of people have trouble remembering which name is which. Is he Roland Roscoe or Roscoe Roland?”


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