Posted by: stillironic | January 25, 2010

Let Me Set the Record Straight—10

Skulking About

The way our grammar school handled the bloody nose incident has made it impossible for me ever to fully resolve conflict. There I was after they, the ubiquitous “they,” took Smarts off to the nurse’s office, skulking about the far edge of the playground, trying to make myself invisible, waiting in limbo for somebody to do something.

Well, nobody did anything.

Nobody said a word to me. Not the principal, not the nurse, not even our teacher, whose star student and pet I happened to be. I wasn’t scolded, I wasn’t talked to, I wasn’t even made to apologize to the blubbering victim. And the result—not the end result, which would be redundant and I have enough faults—is I grew up thinking all my problems could be resolved, or, rather, would resolve themselves as if by magic, especially if I had access to a playground about whose perimeter I could skulk.

This method of conflict resolution became quite cumbersome as I matured and entered adulthood. It resulted in a few accusations, one of which ended up in charges brought against me of attempted kidnapping and solicitation of minor children— “minor children” of course being redundant, but try telling that to a judge.

However, we’re not here to analyze me, it’s Smarts’s day in court so to speak. And as I craft what I trust the reading public will find a totally objective rebuttal to the Independent’s review of his book, Sitcom, it’s becoming more and more irksome to refer to him as Smarts, so obvious it is that he had anything but.

© 2010 by Virginia Gerhart


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