Posted by: stillironic | January 28, 2010

Let Me Set the Record Straight—12

Quote Unquote

Now that it’s clear that the title is a total misdemeanor, or whatever the word is, it’s time to say a word about the main character. And that word is not jejune. Jejune? Why, the book itself is jejune.

Okay, so I did a bit of traveling because I was stressed and needed time to myself. Does the book say that? No. According to the book I had to go on a quote unquote extended vacation in order to recover from being quote unquote overwrought. If I was a teensy bit without quotes upset, it was due to a botched root canal. Implants are expensive, for crying out loud.

But we’re talking about dental implants, here, people, not breast.

Why the heck would I have wanted to look like Jayne Mansfield in the day and age of Twiggy? It would have been counterproductive. Say you started out with a body that virtually shouted “latter thirty-three and a third percent of the twentieth century.” Would you then pay money you don’t have to some guy with nothing more than an advanced set of scalpel skills to turn you into a freak of nature?

Although I would rather, I don’t mind saying, walk around looking like there were two beach balls under my t-shirt than walk around with a head minus any functioning brain cells LIKE SOME PEOPLE. The severely blow-dried, for instance. The chronically quote unquote dim. Seriously, haven’t you ever known someone whom you could swear had about as many brain cells as a hand puppet?

© 2010 by Virginia Gerhart


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