Posted by: stillironic | March 28, 2010

Help! I’m glued to the tube, and not the cool one

I’ve turned into exactly the person I used to ridicule and vow never to become. El spouso (JJ) and I eat dinner every night in front of the tv like a couple of rednecks. We even have an old dawg lying on the floor between us fartin’ up a storm. I’m the one wearing a chef’s apron—not because I cooked but as a bib. Only things missing are a rack of rifles and a six-pack of something vile.

Every evening is a slate of shows JJ’s TiVoed. Doesn’t sound bad till you find out those are mostly shows we’ve already watched. Sometimes twice it turns out (so it happens with short-term memory loss). First it was Law & Order, all night, every night. “Have we seen this one?” “Doesn’t look familiar.” “Oh, yeah, now I remember.” Delete. Go onto next one. Then JJ turned against Jack McCoy. It was only so many weeks I could stand hearing “Jack, you’re an asshole” every time whatshisname came on the screen.

Now it’s Las Vegas (our third round and we’re starting to get bored, which I take as a good sign). We also watch White Collar, Southland, Burn Notice, and two really violent, but extremely well-acted shows, Underbelly: A Tale of Two Cities, from Australian tv, and Oz. I like Criminal Minds, but JJ won’t watch it because it’s about serial killers. Give me a break. Oz, an extremely graphic drama about prison life, is full of serial killers, duh. Oz is pretty powerful, but the creepy thing is a lot of the prisoners are actors who’ve played cops on Law & Order SVU and The Closer. One former SVU cop’s even played an old boyfriend of Liz Lemon on 30 Rock. WTF?

(I may have reached my limit with Criminal Minds. At first, every time I was in a crowd, like at the airport, I’d nudge JJ and whisper, teeth clenched: “That one over there, think he’s a serial killer?” Now they all look like serial killers.)

So you can see it’s clear. We both need help. We used to be smart people. WE EVEN HAVE MASTER’S DEGREES. For a while, we blamed everything on Cheney and Wolfowitz. But they’ve lost their dark allure, not to say relevance. We already take a lot of drugs, of the prescription kind. We’re thinking medical marijuana now. But what do we do till the housing market returns and we can afford to move to Cali or Colorado??????



  1. Oy, we do the same thing, more often with shows like CSI and Bones that we have already seen, though without the apron (dont need it for pizza and take-out bbq chicken), and two yes two farting dogs…

  2. Oh. my. god. You CANNOT turn against Jack McCoy! Next thing you know you’ll both be saying “Mariska Hartigay? Meh, she’s not all that.”

    Netflix, woman! Netflix!

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