Posted by: stillironic | April 23, 2010

She was playing me to get at my DVDs

I was having iced tea on my patio with a new acquaintance. We each drank a couple of glasses. We talked about Baltimore’s inefficient city government. That somehow segued into the Vatican’s shameful behavior in sacrificing the welfare of children to preserve the church’s image. I was also wondering if I wanted to move her into the friend category. Then she told me she could tell what was in store for my future by looking at my DVD collection.

Me: Why? When there are tea leaves.Her: I find visuals are more revealing.

Me: Only DVDs? What about videotapes?

Her: Videotapes? You still watch videotapes?

That settled one thing: she would remain an acquaintance.

But I was curious. So we went inside. After she used the bathroom I showed her my shelves of DVDs and videos. She glanced at the videotapes, but took a long time perusing the DVDs. I had to go to the bathroom, too. But what if that was what she was waiting for: for me to leave the room so she could grab a bunch of DVDs and run out the door.

Why was I getting so paranoid? She seemed perfectly nice and agreeable. Unless she was playing me to get at my DVDs.

Then I realized what was wrong: she had no sense of humor. Or at least she hadn’t displayed one since we ran into each other in the park and I invited her back to my house. I didn’t trust her because she barely cracked a smile.

And then there was the fortune telling. So: fortune telling plus lack of smiling or laughing equals thief. Wasn’t that stereotyping? Unconsciously, I had turned her into a gypsy and must also believe all gypsies are thieves. But one of my best friends in third grade was a gypsy. Her name was Yvonne and one day she just disappeared.

I wanted this woman to disappear. She was no longer an acquaintance; she had been demoted to the category of “other.”

Her: You don’t have many art-house films.

Me: Well, I, yes, er no, I don’t.

She spent a few more minutes looking and I spent a few more minutes hopping from foot to foot. It was a damn good thing she had no sense of humor. If I’d laughed I’d have peed my pants.

Her: You’re going to move to North Carolina. And you’re going to run for public office.

Me: Running for office is the last thing I’d EVER do.

Her: Well, DVDs never lie.

Me: What about videotapes?

That’s when she laughed. It must have been an inside joke.

I haven’t run into her since.



  1. Crap. I can only shudder at what she might think of my record collection.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: