Posted by: stillironic | May 23, 2010

8-Legged Dog Confounds Scientists and Quacks Alike

Noted-scientist Dr. Quentin T. Morose has spent the past several years trying to persuade former colleagues at Johns Hopkins University that the 8-legged dog wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Recently, Morose, a current resident of the Feldhepstein Clinic for the Mostly Insane, obtained a photo of the creature that has proved so elusive. The photo, he states, was taken in a backyard patio in Baltimore.

First know photo of 8-legged dog

According to Morose, the Baltimore-Washington area provides a perfect habitat for bizarre creatures. “Summers are so hot and humid, allergens and chemical pollutants so overpowering, the ozone layer so thin, and politics so toxic. An 8-legged dog? Hell, it’s a miracle Satan hasn’t crawled out of this ooze.”

When asked where the creature came from, Morose responded, “the major theory is that two dogs were doing it and got stuck. Of course, this fails to account for the lack of a second head.”

Proponents of Intelligent Design at first jumped at the discovery of the 8-legged dog. It offered definitive proof against evolution. After all, no progenitors of the 8-legger have been found. The initial euphoria wore off when ID’ers examined the creature’s structure and behavior and could find nothing intelligent about it.

The disappointed group then turned their research over to a sister organization that promotes Not-So-Intelligent Design. An especially illiterate bunch of bozos, NSID’ers prefer instinct to education.

Now Not-So-Intelligent Designers are contending that the 8-legged dog is Earth’s first land octopus. They’ve dubbed him Lee Harvey Oswald and the name has stuck. When asked why they chose that particular name, most NSID’ers shrug and spit. One member of the group volunteered that the names Charles Manson and Jeffrey Dahmer were already taken.

Meanwhile, Johns Hopkins, the Feldhepstein Clinic, and Morose are involved in a web of lawsuits and counter suits over who owns rights to Lee Harvey Oswald’s photo.

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