Posted by: stillironic | October 17, 2010

Beware of Bankers: Zombies in Disguise

What is it with all the finance geeks, government hacks, and media sluts? Why is it only a few geniuses around here understand who—or what—the true villains of the ongoing financial crisis are. Yes, ongoing. The weather may look sunny and clear. But the middle class continues to shrink. The fabulously rich continue to grow even more fabulously rich. And the political dialogue has been corrupted by truthiness. Which means the crisis will only end in a not good way.


zombie heads

The big 6 bankers in response to being compared to 3rd-world oligarchs


So who are the villains? They’re the banks too big to fail. The monster banks: Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley.

One of the geniuses, Simon Johnson, a past IMF chief economist, recently co-wrote 13 Bankers: The Wall Street Takeover and the Next Financial Meltdown. According to Johnson, the big guys who run these behemoth banks have the same effect on our country as third-world oligarchs have on theirs. That pretty much makes these guys zombies.

Now all the hip people out there think they know what zombies are. Besides not attending to their wardrobes and looking like shit, zombies are not copasetic with chatting and sharing feelings. They tend to attack and annihilate first and ask questions later. Except for the ask questions later part. And they’re fully prepped for the impending zombie apocalypse, whereby humans who escape alive are forced to roam the then-decimated countryside, eluding covert zombie assaults, and foraging for scraps even a dog would reject.

Sounds a lot like when your house is in foreclosure.



Head of JP Morgan Chase savoring a quiet moment


As only zombie aficionados know, escapees also ditch their names, taking on the names of their hometowns. Which isn’t so bad if you live in a cool-sounding place like Wichita or Tallahassee. But totally sucks if you live in Nimrod, Possum Trot, or Deadhorse. (Tip: If you happen to live in a locale with a cringe-worthy name, take my advice. Set up camp elsewhere now. Unless you won’t mind spending the post-zombie apocalypse answering to the likes of Intercourse, Lickskillet, or worse.)

At any rate, zombies are not to be toyed with.

The big 6 major league zombie banks, along with the banks they swallowed after the 2007-08 crash, at one time controlled only 16% of our country’s gross domestic product. That was in the mid-1990s. Now, these same banks control around 63% of our GDP. Hello!!! That means the nonzombie banks, along with all nonfinancial businesses, control a mere 37%! Where are the financial experts and government-official types who should be educating the public about the significance of this fiasco. And its similarity to earlier events in U.S. history. Plus its ominous implications for the future.



Heads of BofA & Citigroup. Notice lack of attention to wardrobe.


In the 1980s the financial services industry was only consuming around 15% of all U.S. profits. Right before the crash, major and minor league zombie banks were gobbling up 40+% of all profits.

Even Larry Summers says 40% is too high. Even individual CEOs of nonfinancial companies find this percentage crazy scary. But the business community stands tight with the zombies. As does the Chamber of Commerce, which swears on a stack of bibles that it represents small-business people.



What we have to look forward to in the post-zombie apocalypse


Where are the media who should be digging into what’s happening, raising questions, and searching for answers? Out reviewing zombie movies? This is bullshit! There are real zombies out there on the prey.

There’s no good economic reason for these zombies to be so voracious. They simply refuse to control their appetites. The fatter and more bloated they get, the richer they are. And the harder they attack us taxpayers and pillage our homes. Forcing those of us from small towns to live out our days going by Toad Suck, Spunky Puddle, Big Beaver, and Dicktown. That’s if we’re unlucky enough to survive the zombie apocalypse.



  1. Ah, my friend. You’ve done it again. I totally heart you. I’ve got my demise planned perfectly. In 20 years I’ll be 80. Rght about then the whole planet should be turning to shit. And you can bet I won’t be coming back!

    Hope we can meet sometime for a drink before that.

  2. Thanks you! Life does seem bleak these days before the election. Did you read the article in the New Yorker about how today’s Tea Partiers are a an extension of the John Birchers from the 50s & 60s. Very interesting.

    Would love to meet for a drink sometime!

    In case you’re interested, article’s at

    • Thanks for the link. Looking forward to reading it.

  3. Here’s a zombie for you–General Motors, gladly took our money for bail-out, then turned around and OUTSOURCED to Russia to build their cars, to name one country GM is dealing with. Poor Michigan! They just can’t catch a break!!

  4. Oh, wait! I just noticed a comment about the John Birch Society of the 50’s and 60’s! I can certainly believe that the Tea Party is an extension. I knew many John Birchers, including my first ex-husband. Those people scared me!

    • The Birchers called Dwight Eisenhower a Communist, which is as off the nut as insisting Obama isn’t native born. I guess there isn’t one fact people of the Tea Party/Bircher ilk won’t pervert to advance their reign of deception.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  5. 13 Banks is an excellent book.

    The banks are also sharks, and they’re doing what sharks do: Swimming toward blood in the water. All corporations are like that. Which is why they have to be regulated: Left unregulated, they’ll attack and eat indiscriminately.

    A nonfinance book that you will like: The Heart of Power: Health and Politics in the Oval Office (Blumenthal and Morone).

    I spent five blog entries reviewing it. Not sure that that’s anything to be proud of — and Cyndi McCain was definitely not happy about the resulting neglect — but it’s a must-read book if you’re interested in health care reform and policy.

    • Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll check out your blog entries (maybe I won’t have to read the book, then!).

      I hear Meghan’s a spitfire, but suspect you’re not into the giggly type.

      • When Meghan was on the Joy Behar show a couple of weeks ago she said she would vote for any Republican before she’d vote for a Democrat. I think there’s a bit of a gap in her education, to say the least.

  6. I’ve heard the same, but I do prefer the serious, intellectual type.

  7. Meghan is blonde. You can’t expect her to think like a redhead!

    • LOL! Did you read Maureen Dowd’s column on Sunday taking on the Tea Party women? Dowd’s my doppelganger you know. 😉

      Ginny, are you on Facebook and Twitter. Your writing is so good. You deserve more readers.

      • Hey, thanks, Jayne. I’m on Facebook as Virginia Herold Gerhart. I always post my blog there, but I don’t think most of my FB friends read blogs. I don’t do Twitter. (I sort of don’t get it! And my ADD is bad enough as is.) But you’ve mentioned it before, so I think I’ll give it a try. I’ve checked out The Tribe & signed up for the newsletter to find out how to join. Haven’t received one, come to think of it. Probably need to read more blogs and leave comments, too. I also want to personalize the blog-site.

        Appreciate your interest!

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